Reality TV?

I have found myself missing fictional characters. Show cancellations, off-season times, or even a busy few days when I haven’t had a chance to watch something I am currently into – have actually made me miss the people on a show. This is just crazy. They. Are. Not. Real. I do not really know them. I do not have a relationship with them. And, yet, there it is. I miss them all the same. For cancelled shows, I miss the times we had together. For current ones, I ache for more times together. For deceased characters, I mourn. This is ridiculous, right?

Incredibly, I’m not alone on this. I have spoken to others who have similar experiences. Are we all crazy? More importantly, do we miss the real people in our lives as we spend our time with the imaginary ones instead? Probably not. There is something strangely comforting about our TV friends – to feel you know these “people” – how they feel, how they will react – that you see their inner thoughts and emotions – that you have a connection with them –  you feel safe with them.

Not always with reality. Ever feel like you know your favorite TV characters better than you know your friends? There may be some plot twists, but you can usually predict a TV-friend’s behavior based on their previous character development. Not those real people in our lives. You think you know them, then realize you don’t. They are simply unpredictable. Suddenly what you thought was an episode of Friends is an M. Night Shyamalan movie. It makes you yearn for a good rerun.

I had someone ask me once if our real-life relationships shouldn’t be more like those on TV. Thirtysomething was used as the example. It seems the characters can say whatever they want to each other and still remain friends. Relationships remain intact because they care about each other. Unfortunately, no script ensures we all make up and continue in a loving manner within the hour. Each character can choose how the story progresses. There are no guarantees that what we say will be received how we want, or that forgiveness will be given. No director is forcing those things to happen. Our big blow-up may not be resolved by the end of sweeps week.

Still, I guess that’s what makes the shows appealing. We see on the screen what we wish would happen in our own lives. We see people who are more appealing than the ones around us. We can fall in love, burn with hatred, weep, or laugh uncontrollably, with no risk of how that person will respond to us.

The problem is…what? Oh yeah. It’s. Not. Real.

Real life involves risk. Real people can hurt us back. (But real friends can also love us back.) Real relationships are less convenient than watching a prerecorded show at your leisure. Real dramas aren’t always neatly resolved. Heck, some of our plot lines may end up as convoluted as a Lost finale. Who knows?

So, where does that leave us? Are our imaginary bonds unhealthy? Do they hurt our real ones by making them less appealing? Do we live too much on our Fantasy Islands? I’m not sure. Maybe we should ask Frasier?

I’ve started working on what will, God willing, turn into a book on biblical friendship. Perhaps this strange TV relationship topic will find its way onto those pages where God can help me sort it out more through His truth. Meanwhile, I guess we should try not to neglect real relationships in pursuit of a place..where everybody knows your name.

Overthinking

Being an A student has its advantages. School was never that difficult. A college degree was attainable. I can usually learn new things fairly easily.

The disadvantage is the frustration when something isn’t easy to grasp. My intellect throws accusations at me. “What’s wrong?” “I should be smart enough to get this!” “Why can’t I understand?”

This arrogant path has led me to some dark alleys and dead ends spiritually. My pride in intelligence has been a stumbling block when I have attempted to rely on my own ability to comprehend the things of God. This list has included such simple matters as why God made everything in the universe work the way it does, including why He made the plan for our salvation that He did, what eternity will be like, how exactly the Trinity works, what things may we have misinterpreted and been doing wrong for centuries – and my brain spins on…

Surely, if I study more, ponder more deeply, and make use of my entire mental capacity, I can get it. If I can just get the right synapses to fire, it will all fall into place.

What arrogance!

Trying to comprehend the infinite with a finite mind. How frustrating. It’s beyond difficult. It’s impossible. It wasn’t even meant to be:

  • Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgments, and his paths beyond tracing out! Romans 11:33
  • As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things. Ecclesiastes 11:5
  • How great is God – beyond our understanding! Job 36:26
  • God’s voice thunders in marvelous ways; he does great things beyond our understanding. Job 37:5
  • A man’s steps are directed by the Lord. How then can anyone understand his own way? Proverbs 20:24

God does reveal many things to us through His Word and His Spirit. He can increase our faith to help us accept those things which we cannot see. He can help us know Him and His will for us.

  • By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God’s command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible. Hebrews 11:3
  • But it is the spirit in a man, the breath of the Almighty, that gives him understanding. Job 32:8
  • We know also that the Son of God has come and has given us understanding, so that we may know him who is true. And we are in him who is true – even in his Son Jesus Christ. He is the true God and eternal life. 1 John 5:20

God has also given me what cognitive abilities I have, and can use those to help me understand Him and His ways.

  • I gain understanding from your precepts; therefore I hate every wrong path. Psalm 119:104
  • The unfolding of your words gives light; it gives understanding to the simple. Psalm 119:130

My part:

  • Accept that I cannot do this in my own strength
  • Accept that not all things are mine to know

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6

Contrast & Focus: Adjustments Needed

She’s prettier than I am. But, I’m thinner than those two. My clothes aren’t as nice as theirs. I am so much smarter than a lot of people. Why is it easier for him to…   I would never do…

My self-image – constantly adjusting. Image sharpened. Image blurred. Image quality up. Image quality down. Too much contrast. Bad focus. Result: Image – twisted.

I looked up the word compare in a Bible reference, in an attempt to learn about not comparing myself to others. What I found was that most of the references were to God.

For who in the skies above can compare with the Lord? Who is like the Lord among the heavenly beings? Ps 89:6

Among the gods there is none like you, o Lord; no deeds can compare with yours. Ps 86:8

What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ Phil 3:8

I guess there’s my answer. If I am focused on Christ, rather than other poeple and myself, I will find that nothing else compares, and seek Him.

For Crying Out Loud

Saturday night: It was one of those movies with an impossible soundtrack. Dialogue is at a near whisper and action scenes threaten to burst eardrums, making it impossible to find a comfortable volume. Not wanting to miss any of the Oscar-caliber acting scenes of 2010: Moby Dick, we opted for cranking it up.
 
Our friends, who appreciate a bad movie as much as we do, were enjoying the whale-chasing with us. Partway through, I was suddenly asked to pause the movie. As I pushed the button, the immediate silence that would have followed was shattered by an ear-piercing “Mom-eeeeee!” from our guest room, where our friends’ children had been put to bed before the movie. Mom quickly ran up to check on them. I sat, amazed at Dad, whose ears had picked up on the cry to which I was oblivious amidst the fray coming through the surround sound.
 
It turns out, we had Ahab and friends pumping through the speakers a bit loud for our friends’ daughter, who was frightened by the blubbery growls. (Little did she know that it was the B-level special effects and acting that should have been giving her nightmares.)
 
A little while later, after fears were calmed and concerns addressed, we resumed our movie at fewer decibels. The incident was soon forgotten.
 
Sunday Morning: Church service. Our pastor preached on Jeremiah 33:3 – Call to me and I will answer you and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.
 
As he spoke about how we are to call out to God, my thoughts (and, I later discovered, my husband’s) immediately went back to the night before. I wish I could put a sound bite here of that cry that was echoing in my mind so clearly. Those little lungs had been calling out with such urgency, intensity, determination, and faith.
Urgency – she needed help, now.
Intensity – you could hear the sheer emotion in her voice.
Determination – she was not going to give up until she was heard over the noise around us.
Faith – she knew her cries would be answerd if she called.
You could tell by the yell that she was just going to continue to ramp up the urgency, intensity, and determination until her parent was by her side. 
“Mom-eeeee!”

Hmm…

She called out. She was calling with everything in her. Her Father heard her.
Are my cries like this?
When I call out to my Father, do I call out with everything I have?
Are my prayers filled with the same qualities as the cries of a child?

I pray they will be from this moment on.

Spoiler Alert

Wait! Stop! Don’t tell me! I haven’t seen it yet!

How many times have I said something along these lines, in a frantic attempt to stop someone from ruining the end of a movie? Seriously, it’s close to a state of panic at times. I always try to be careful about what I say, too, making sure I ask if people have seen a movie before discussing it in front of them. I would not want to commit this atrocity! How would I ever forgive myself?

A friend of mine argues for the “5 year rule,” meaning, if the flick has been out more than five years, people have had plenty of opportunity to see it, so there is no guilt in revealing the conclusion. I tend to disagree. Maybe they’ll still watch it some day, and I certainly don’t want to be the one who ruined the surprise.

Why is this so important to me? Knowing the end takes the fun out of watching, right? It seems pointless to invest the two hours if the outcome is already known. Viewers want to see for themselves how things turn out, not be told beforehand. For me, the adventure, surprise, and fun of the entertainment are, if not completely spoiled, at least dimmed.

So, why am I so different with life? The not knowing, the lack of control, the unexpected plot twists – why not embrace these too? At times I get consumed with the thought of dying. It could happen any day, any way. Then comes eternity, and I want to know exactly what that will be like. But, do I really want to know the details of it all? Wouldn’t that take away some joy during life? Why be so paranoid about ruining the enjoyment of a Hollywood production, and yet be obsessed with knowing the end of my own movie? Wouldn’t I spoil that too, by seeing the end first, by knowing the conclusion before seeing the rest in its entirety? Do I not trust God, as director and producer, to know best what should be revealed when in the story, and to write a script with the right ending?

Instead of worrying about what may happen in the next scene, I could enjoy the current one, and look forward to seeing where it leads. Instead of filling my mind with scenarios, playing out every possibility in an attempt to prepare myself, I can sit back and wait for the Writer to reveal things. Better than Spielberg or Lucas, He knows best what I should see now and what should remain a mystery.

Besides, while I think I am the star of the show at times, it’s really not about me:

And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again. 2 Corinthians 5:15

All things were created by him and for him. Colossians 1:16

And as for death and eternity, Paul points out in Philippians 1:21 that to live is Christ and to die is gain.

So, while I realize I do have my part to play, maybe I should be less concerned with knowing exactly how things will turn out, and more concerned with trusting God and letting the movie play out. Grab some popcorn, and enjoy His feature presentation.

Speaking My Language

Some friends are movie friends. Some friends are gaming friends. Some friends are hiking friends. Others are biking friends. I know whom to call depending on what I am in the mood to do.

I know there are certain ways I can connect with certain people. Discussing a book with one person can make me feel very close to them, sharing common ideas and reflections. Another, we may never come close to reading the same material, but we share a love for the same game and can spend hours bonding over the board.

Are these factors any different in our relationship with God? There are many ways God speaks to us and connects with us. Some methods are much more effective with certain people. So, if we know a way we easily connect with God, do we determine to do it?

Recently, I was cleaning the house, and, as is usual for me, listening to my ipod while I cleaned. I had a choice of playlists. “Cleaning,” which is a mix of mostly upbeat, secular songs I can bop around to while I dust, or “Christian,” which is a collection of worship songs and contemporary Christian music. I was heading toward a bad mood at the time, starting to fill with annoyance, frustration, and general irritability. I thought I would probably be better off listening to the Christian playlist. For me, music is one of the easiest ways to draw closer to God. (The other one being nature.) But, I was a bit tired of the songs I have on that playlist, and wanted something “livelier,” so I went with “Cleaning.” An hour or so later, in a much worse mood, I reached for the ipod and actually thought the words “Fine, God, I’ll switch it!” Praise Him for His patience with my attitude. Can you guess which way my mood went after a few songs that brought my focus back on Christ?

Why was I reluctant to do what I knew I should do in order to connect more with the Lord? Would I hesitate to watch a shared favorite flick with a movie-watching friend? Would I not jump at the chance to scrapbook with my crafty friends?

If we know our love language with God – the way we most easily draw near to Him – we shouldn’t neglect it.

So, what happens if the only way I can connect with someone is to go sledding, and it’s the middle of summer? If I want to maintain that relationship, I have to find other ways to relate. It may not be as easy for me, or seem as fun, or feel as natural, but it is worth the effort for the closeness it sustains. The results may also be surprising. I may find that some new activity causes me to grow in a way I did not expect. Or, the relationship may jump to a new level simply because the environment has changed, causing new sides of our personalities to emerge. For example, line-dancing with gaming friends can bring a whole new dimension to the friendship.

Again, the same goes for our vertical relationship. If I am somewhere that I can’t listen to music, or it’s the dead of winter and I can’t get outside, do I simply not spend time with God? This is when I need to put other disciplines into practice. Yes, listening to a sermon may take more effort than singing a worship song, but it can have an amazing impact. Serving others in a new way can be extremely stretching, but also full of opportunities for growth. Who knows where God will take us if we are willing to put in the effort. We may soar on wings like eagles with our reading Friend.

Legacy

Remembering my dad today.

Edward Lee Jones, 11/14/43 – 5/19/10

You taught me to pray when I was sick.

You taught me to always have an open door.

You taught me that I am loveable.

You taught me how to make do with what I have.

You taught me how to hug.

You taught me to love my family.

You taught me how to enjoy simple things.

You taught me how to have a good laugh.

You taught me to not give up.

 You taught me that Jesus loves me SO much.

You taught me to improvise.

You taught me to enjoy late nights.

You taught me how to drive.

 You taught me to have a sweet tooth.

You taught me to enjoy the outdoors.

You taught me to be creative.

You taught me so much.

You taught me from my birth

to your death

and, in your passing,

you taught me about loss.

My Father takes over from here,

continuing the lessons he began through you,

and teaching me new ones

as I grow through the pain.

Suit Up

I see myself, standing in the middle of the battlefield. Dark forces coming in from all sides. Am I wearing my helmet of salvation? Do I have the belt of truth about my waist? Am I protected by the breastplate of righteousness? Are my feet fitted with the readiness of the gospel of peace? Is my shield of faith up in front of me, ready to extinguish all the fiery darts of the enemy? Is my hand gripping the sword of the Spirit? Am I ready for battle?

Then I see that I am not standing there alone. My brothers and sisters in Christ are in battle with me. We are standing in a line, poised for the fight. As an army, I hope we are all ready. I hope we can help each other up when we get knocked down. I hope those whose armor is weakened will be helped by the stronger.

I come to realize I can’t aid my fellow soldiers with most of these items – they can only protect me. But, with my sword, I can help those on my left and on my right, as the enemy tries to sneak up behind them. I can wield the sword and help protect, help them fight. I can stay alert. I can pray for them as we battle. And they can do the same for me.

I then see myself, standing in a canyon – dry, cracked dirt and jagged rocks all around, steep brown earthen walls on all sides. I am standing there, in full armor, with my shield up on front of me. It feels so small as I am desperately trying to keep behind it, arrows flying at me from above and around me.

I cry out to God that I need help in this battle. And it’s then that His enormous arm reaches in from behind me, gripping a massive shield, taller than the cliffs around me. He slams it down in front of me, the pointed bottom crushing into the ground, secure, and I am fully protected as I lean into it, resting there in the shadow of His shield.

It is with these images in mind that I grow grateful. Grateful for the armor God has provided. Grateful for the others in battle with me. Grateful that He sometimes steps in and wipes out the enemy. Grateful that at other times He doesn’t – that He sustains, shelters, even as we are still on the battlefield – that He uses the struggle to strengthen us, increase our faith, and teach us – as individuals – as an army. Grateful for the privilege of being one of His soldiers.

And so, with these images in mind, with grateful hearts, we battle on.

A Mother’s Heart

A heart so good,

full of patience, kind.

A heart more loving,

no child could find.

 

This heart, warm and gentle,

strong, yet ever humble,

always loving the child,

through each victory, every stumble.

 

Never giving up,

always faithful, never weak.

A strong support of love,

the child can always seek.

 

Through joy and sadness,

each laugh and each tear,

the child knew her mother’s heart,

could love away each fear.

 

So full of comfort,

so full of care,

no burden too heavy,

for her mother’s heart to bear.

 

Always giving,

never taking.

Forever loving,

sometimes aching.

 

Offering support,

asking nothing in return.

The value of this love,

the child begins to learn.

 

For as the child becomes a woman,

this love continues its flow,

showing itself in so many ways,

helping the child to grow.

 

Providing wisdom and guidance,

an example of pure love.

Demonstrating to the child,

grace as from above.

 

This heart has loved the child

through all that she has done.

The child’s eternal gratitude and love

this mother’s heart has won.

 

So thank you, Lord, for my mother’s heart

that has given me so much.

A heart so pure and perfect,

I know it has your touch.

 

Thank you, Lord, for my mother’s heart,

with love so deep and wide,

that has blessed me all my life,

helped me grow from child to bride.

 

Written for my mom at the time of my wedding, May 29, 1999.

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom.

Catchphrases Caught

Swampeast Missoura.

This is the description my dad often gave for where he grew up. For those of you who are not familiar with the lingo, that translates to southeast Missouri. More specifically, Charleston, MO. It was in this small town, current population 5,000, that my dad was raised.

This phrase is just the first in a long list of quirky sayings that my dad regularly used. Attribute them to his home town, his family, or just his personality. Whatever the reason, there are things I will always remember him say:

“God must really love ugly people, because he sure made a lot of ‘em.” – What can I say? He was an honest man.

“Want to see an old Indian trick?” – Not too PC in this day and age, but my dad didn’t care. This question would precede the explanation of an easy way to do something (like smashing up jelly in the jar before scooping it out so it spreads easier.)

“Here ain’t somebody.” – Gazing out the window, to get you to look for someone. Followed by:

“Made ya look, ya dirty crook, ya stole your mama’s pocket book.” – Ha!

“Rise and shine! It’s time to get up in the morning!” – What I heard in grade school, before I got older, got an alarm clock, and got myself up.

On frustration:

“Son of a biscuit-eater!” – A light-hearted version of the more common phrase. Not the version used when doing car repairs.

“Cotton-pickin’…” – Could be followed by any person, place, or thing.

“Cotton-picker!” – Was the person, place, or thing.

On fashion:

“Shamed up hussy!” – Scantily clad woman.

“Naked as a jay bird!” – Pretty self explanatory if you’ve ever seen a bird.

On complaining:

“You’d gripe if you was hung with a new rope!” – People loved to argue with him on this one.

On banking:

“Bring me back a nickel’s worth of twenties!” I never really got this one, but it was a frequent request.

On bathing:

“Use soap and water!” – His advice if someone announced they were about to take a shower.

“I bathe once a week whether I need it or not.” – To produce shock on listeners’ faces.

On visitors:

“Leave the door open and who knows what will walk in!” – When company arrived.

“Come back when ya ain’t got so long to stay!” or “No use rushin’ off in the heat of the day.” – When company left. The length of their stay did not affect what saying was used.

“Want some stump-water?” – Offering a cup of coffee.

On eating:

“That’ll do ‘til you can make supper.” – After finishing a large meal, to razz the cook.

“It has a whang to it.” – Something with a funny after taste.

“My breakfast is gettin’ pretty thin.” – He hadn’t eaten in a while and was ready for dinner.

Lastly, and most importantly, on affection:

“Bless your little pea-pickin’ heart.” – I’m not sure what makes a pea-pickin’ heart different from a regular one.

“I’m proud for ya.” – Not ‘of you,’ but that’s what it meant. Man, I miss hearing this one.

“I love you with all my heart, bricks, and blood.” – This one actually originated with me. I was sitting on my dad’s lap, just barely old enough to remember it. My dad had said he loved me, and then added, with all his heart. I then asked if he loved me with all his blood, too. Yes, he answered, smiling. With the logic of a small child, I tried to come up with something else we were “made up of” and asked if he loved me with all his bricks. Thus, the phrase was born and has been used ever since.

“The only one who could love you more than me is Jesus.” – If you’re reading this and know the love of Christ, this needs no further explanation. If you do not know this love, I pray you will. There is nothing like it. It makes this by far my dad’s best saying. I am very grateful to have heard it many times. What a gift to be loved so much. What a precious phrase that has been imbedded in my mind and heart.

Thank you, Father.